Personal Finance is NOT a Great Party Topic
I used to suck at party conversations; then I retired early - aaaannd it turns out I'm STILL pretty uninteresting for strangers to talk to
It turns out that I know how to write extensively about my early retirement journey, but I fail miserably in casual conversation about it.
“So Allen, how are you enjoying retired life?” is a pretty common opener at a get-together.
What I should say is, “retired life is fantastic, thank you for asking.”
What I actually say is, “retirement is pretty boring,” and throw in a yawn for effect.
Why I do this? Why do I go out of my way to make myself uninteresting at parties?
First, I’m usually self-effacing in conversation with people. My Gen-X teenage years taught me pretty fast that it’s not wise to to try and talk yourself up in a crowd. Any Gen-X teen (even your best friend) would have cut you down if you started growing too tall.
“Thirteen-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this day, because 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way.” - John Mulaney
Second, I’ve tried proselytizing about the FIRE movement in the past and the average person just isn’t into it. They glaze over pretty fast. Then they start looking for an out (“I’m gonna just refresh my drink”), and I’m left feeling like a failed recruiter for my local religious cult.
Tipped Finance influencer Barbara Sloan puts it best:
“Only people who are into feet wanna talk about feet.”
Third, I’m just terrible at small talk. I like longer and more nuanced conversations. Parties are no place for that. Quick conversations. Work the room. Keep it short. Stay in the shallows.
I wonder how the conversation could go, if I were a totally different person?
Allen, nice to meet you. What do you do?
Nice to meet you too. I actually retired a couple of years back, so now I kind of do whatever I want.
Wow, that’s terrific! Wait, you’re not that old. How did you do that? Are you guys rich or something?
No, we’re not rich. I would say we’re… efficient. We mostly live a simple life, but we also do a few unorthodox things to make $70k feel like $100k.
Like what?
Well:
We don’t buy new cars every four years. In fact, my wife and I share just one.
We save eating out for special occasions.
We ditched our expensive McMansion years ago and bought a smaller house that we could easily pay off within five or ten years.
We try to always use credit card rewards for things like airfare and hotel stays so we can still travel and not break the bank.
Mostly, we found ways to have fun that didn’t involve spending a lot of money. Taking urban hikes. Exploring local parks and trails. Getting coffee with a friend. Unlimited group exercise classes at our local Y. Stuff like that.
I don’t know what I would do with my time if I were retired. What do you do all day?
Well, that’s the real hard work, right? Figuring out who you are and what you like to do outside of your office and career. My day varies, but when compared to my working life:
I have more thinking time and less reacting time.
I do more motorcycle rides on winding country roads, and less bumper-to-bumper commutes in rush hour traffic.
I take more peaceful strolls with my English Lab, and fewer hurried walks from meeting to meeting.
I do more creative writing, and fewer PowerPoints.
I spend more time planning life’s adventures, and less time responding to fire drills.
I invest more in my personal growth, and less in my professional growth.
And naps.
Did you have a financial advisor help you with all of this?
We didn’t, no. We just educated ourselves on how to happily live a more frugal lifestyle and how to invest the money we saved as a result.
Here are some of my favorite jump off points for anyone interested in doing what we did:
Getting Rich - The jumping off point for the Mister Money Mustache blog. MMM is a pioneer of the FIRE movement, and though FIRE has evolved, Pete’s philosophy never goes out of style in my book. This is the best resource to get you in the right mindset. Simple living, simple investing, and leave the planet better than you found it.
The Stock Series - JL Collins excellent series of blog posts about investing in low cost index funds. A lot of people want to pick individual stocks, or trade crypto. JL just educates his readers on the simple path to wealth.
The Pillars of FI - ChooseFI Podcast Episode 21 contains a birds eye view of FIRE. “We live a middle class life, but just a little bit smarter.”
Rob Berger’s YouTube Channel - The author of “Retire before Mom & Dad” has a great perspective on all things investing and retirement. Just absorb anything this guy has to say.
But I digress. It seems like this party is winding down. Normally I would have done an Irish Goodbye by now, but this has been a great discussion! Oh! I guess we’re the last ones here! The hostess is wearing pajamas and giving us the stink eye. We better say goodbye.
That first bullet list is spot on. And that second bullet list? Man, oh man, do I love it. It perfectly describes my Why FI?
I think when you, Maile, Justin and I finally get together somewhere in the world, we'll be the ones who, much too late, look around and say, oh, heck, they've stacked all the chairs and turned out the lights. We'll be happy to geek out on this stuff with you. Your list of more of/less of gave me chills. Another great post, Allen!